


im whoever you want me to be today

by alltimeslash



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Amnesia, M/M, Moral Ambiguity, Murdoc is his own warning, Oblivious Mac, Obsession, creeper jacks, it makes him a bad man, its murdoc you where exspecting diffrent, murdoc is obsessed, smol macmuffin, theres a surprise inside, well more bad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-11 09:43:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13521600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alltimeslash/pseuds/alltimeslash
Summary: murdoc has always had a curiosity about friendship , many would argue he doesn't have the good nature for it , tho even he can admit , this might be a less then appropriate time to explore it .... not that that will stop him





	1. you knocked the sense right out of me

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by a post i left on tumblr and al;l the wonderful people who talked about it , you know who you are my tumblr lovelies :)

 

 

 

 

    murdoc knows something is ..off to say the least the moment macgyver reopens his eyes and boiling rage isn't the first emotion to drift to the top , instead hes met with baby blues filled with confusion , caution and buried beneath that a hint of fear , the look throws him , its one macgyver has never given him before , and its defiantly not the one he expected to see plastered on macs face

 

 

especially not when not even 2 minutes ago the eyes staring back at him as they'd fought were ones of righteous anger , before murdoc had thrown him back so hard macgyver had quite literally clocked his head on the wall , hard, and slid down it like a sack of potatoes to land in a crumpled heap , in all seriousness it had been an accident , witch , is ironic coming from him he concedes but in this case its the truth , he has every intent of being the one to end macgyver , but via wall ?

 

_just.._

_no_

 

if anything hed been playing , its a game just as much as sport when it comes to mac ,but whats that they say ? don't mix business with pleasure , perhaps theres something to the little saying after all ..not that that will stop him from doing what he does

 

 

the eyes that look at him now are soft and clear of hate with innocent but wary curiosity , and murdoc cant remember the last time anyone ever looked at him that way , it send a pleasant little shiver down his spine , drags him back to the situation at hand , and again makes him wonder whats going on in the boys head of his

 

 

because the look in those eyes , and the reaction it invokes are not things he would have saw coming out of their confrontation , what he expects even less is mac shifting closer slow and cautious from where he kneels , to the place where murdoc himself is crouched , until there in each others breathing space , and says in a soft voice

 

 

"who-who are you ?"

 

. **.oh**...

 

_ohhhhh oh myyyy~_

 

and hed laugh out load , at the shear shift this situation has taken ,or the inconvenience , because killing macgyver when he wouldn't even understand it , just wont do , and murdoc realizes what ever choice he makes now will decide what happens next for the both of them , the power that gives him sends a tingling rush through him and he asks

 

"you really know me not dear macgyver ? "

 

and mac looks back at him , flushes with embarrassed guilt as if he'll greatly offend murdoc if he tells him the truth , instead he answers the question with a question

 

"mac-macgyver ? is that my name ?" and here the boy pauses still flushed, before adding "and ..im sorry i don't -remember you "

 

 

murdoc could end it now , drag the boy home , gift wrap him , and leave on the door step for bozer and his precious jack to sort out , and a slight pinch of jealousy at that thought shots unwanted through his skull ,its what should be done , there fight cant possibly continue , not with this newborn fawn in front of him , but something buzzes in the back of his head , a long forgotten and vindictive whisper of things that hes never really had , an unfulfilled but ravenous curiosity

 

 

it grinds at his thoughts as he looks at the now innocent and oblivious creature in front of him , the eyes boring into his own now have shifted , fear and caution giving way to barley restrained desperation , mac knows he knows him now , at the very least , theres hungry need in the swirling blues , and murdocs cold heart could grow 3 sizes at the sight , instead his insidious mind lets darkness swell, pushes his be-stilled beating heart to the side

 

 

mac bites his lip, licks them , and murdocs eyes are drawn to the action , its shy and coy.. _its fucking adorable_ , and it makes up his mind even before the question that follows, the question that will lead up to the most controversial thing hes ever done, because yes , hes lied , cheated , murdered and all other unspeakable forms of villainy ,but this he thinks may very well eclipse all of that

 

 

his boy hesitates still biting at his lip, before he dares to ask the question murdoc knows has been coming from the moment murdoc confirmed he knew him by name

 

 

"um , im sorry but -who..i mean you know me , but who are you ?"

 

and murdoc smiles , the most genuine smile to grace his lips in a long time , the boy hesitated ... murdoc doesn't

 

 

"oh macgyver , its me, jack ".


	2. looking at something changes its state of existence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "reality only has to exist if they look at it "

 

 

 

the name sparks something , tho it doesn't get the motor running , but it sparks , he can tell the moment it happens by the way mac perks up and his eyes widen and become impossibly more blue , again jealousy rears in him , but murdoc pushes it aside , jacks not here , macgyver is _his_ in this moment

 

 

macgyver moves even closer , as if that were possible, his eyes alight and nose almost touching , hes so close murdoc can breath his air, smell his soft pleasant sent as macs body radiates with new found hope and excitement , and murdoc could pretend the closeness was born of something else , but the boy smiles , says

 

 

"jack..jack , i know that name , i do i know it !"

 

 

and the boy smiles then , big and bright , and to murdoc the sight is _painful_ in its rawness , murdoc cant remember ever having truly smiled like that , nor can he remember a time when such a look was directed at him as the cause , murdoc knows what he looks like when he smiles , knows it starts people at the sight of it , because they get a glimpse of the darkness within him , joy feels like pain and he knows that translates to his face

 

 

he doesn't mind it tho , its worked to his favor all theses years , murdoc for all his sadistic humor and love of an audience , can admit freely he has no love for people,  at least not in the sense that "normal" people do, he gets fleeting flights of fancy , but there just that ,fleeting , very few have been able to make him feel..anything and hold his attention to point of unending interest , one of those few sits in front of him

 

 

and that much is true ,murdoc is truly unrepulsed by any thing macgyver does, even the blindly trusting being before him drags only insidious curiosity to the forefront of his mind when raw disgust for such blatant weakness should be what rises , it doesn't , witch..was one of his motives for this little game in the first place , the other , is-a little more basic but such an opportunity may not come again

 

 

murdoc has always had a curiosity about friendship , mostly because hed never really had it , hed scared the children around him when he was young , and adult to when hed grown old , many would argue he doesn't have the good nature for it ,and oh, but there right , tho even he can admit , this might be a less then appropriate time to explore it .... not that that will stop him , a hunger born of curiosity and wanting for something never had drives him , and from what murdoc hears , macgyver is a good "friend" hes also the only person murdoc could possibly be open to experiment with in this area that doesn't disgust him

 

 

on the contrary ,Murdoc has deep and abiding love for angus..or maybe just a deep and abiding desire to see him suffer, the 2 become a muddled line often in his head

 

 

when macgyver reaches his hand out tentatively and places it on murdocs own gloved one , it sends a jolt to reach him even through the fabric and drags him hard and fast back to the present , macgyver is looking in his eyes searchingly , and murdoc fears for a moment hell see that same darkness in them , will see it foaming from his mind like a dog from its mouth , but macgyver just looks at him eyes burning with more questions

 

 

"who , what are we to each other ? i know , i know you know me , but ..i cant remember what we are , what you are , i- i dont even know what i am , and..and i know that must upset you im sorry! "

 

 

and at first murdoc can only blink ,only macgyver could get amnesia and be so very different and at the same time exactly the same , leave it to mac to be clearly exhausted , scared and confused ..and be worried about hurting the other persons feelings , _well fuck_ , maybe theres something for the real jacks love of this kid after all , the display should move him to tell the truth , instead it sulfides his desire to continue to play pretend

 

"were friends , _good good_ friends "

 

 

"friends" mac repeats the word , looks back at him , and murdoc knows hes staring in that all consuming way he does , thinks of tempering it , but mac smiles again not as big but open , and murdoc wants to devour him , _consume_ all that he is until theres nothing left of him in any plane of existence that murdoc himself hasn't touched in life or through death , dark tempting thoughts ring buzzing in his head

 

instead he rises, tells mac to follow him

 

the boy does

 

***************************************************************************************************

 

the way the man ..no jack , the way jack looks at him unnerves him , he knows that name , somehow in his bones , he knows that name , knows it by the warm familiarity the very word had brought over him , but the eyes that look at him ,its like the man want to **_consume_** him devour him until theres no spectrum of him left that isnt his , and it scars him slightly

 

makes him want to question what jack had said , that there friends , but mac knows nothing here , tries to call up sight and sound and truths that wont come , hes lost in a swirl of blankness where jack seems to know all , so if jack says there friends, well , he must be macs friend

 

still hes thrown further off kilter by jacks "friendship", the man seem to have a childlike curiosity that is almost fragile , as if its something hes not actually had before but desperately wanted , tho "mac " as he now knows his name is , could be reading the room wrong , its unfair for him to make judgments in this moment when not 5 ago he didnt even know his own name , still small things nag at him

 

for one jack , touches him , _a lot_ , its small touches as they walk to jacks car together , on his arm, hand ,shoulder , they sing of friendliness and familiarity, yet at the same time its like jack is pushing arrantly at his bounders to see what he can get away with , to see what mac will allow and what he wont ,to the point were mac questions weather they were really _just_ friends , when jack pats him on the leg in the car and then doesn't move his hand

 

but at the same time mac wonders if this is just the way theyv always been , or maybe jack is just very worried about him , the gesture as many others did , still makes him uncomfortable , to the point he suspects jack may even be picking up on his discomfort , but he makes a face, one mac cant read , but it instantly has him feeling a bit embarrassed to be so coltish around the man

 

so he deflects by asking basic questions , some of the answers truly surprise him , and again he wonders what this man really is to him, but the flushed guilt rises in his cheeks again , he cant make assumptions , after all anyone would be rattled having there friend wake up from an accident not even knowing where they are or why they were there , or even who they are

 

so mac settles, allows the hand on his knee and asks instead where there going

**************************************************************************************************************************

 

murdoc starts with small things , touches mac everywhere , everywhere hes seen friends touch , but never done himself , grabs at macs hand to lead him to the car , puts a possessive hand to his shoulder as he opens the door for him , pats his knee in a gesture of good nature as they drive and leaves his hand there , every little gesture is just another way murdoc has touched him , like leaving a mark on him no one else but he can see, and murdoc is surprised at how good it actually can feel

 

still every move is made with an undertone of fascination, hes pushing , knows he is , hes doing it on pursues after all , battering ever so gently at macgyvers borders to see what acts he can get away with , pushing at walls that may or may not still exist , to see what the boy will allow before he draws his line in the sand

 

mac never fails to fascinate him in any area ,that much he knows is true , for with anyone else this would have grown dull, but the way mac carries about him, takes murdocs focus and holds it , mac is softer more open , but not gone is the smart and strong worthy opponent , even now it toes the line just under the surface , in the way murdoc touches and pushes and invades , and in the way mac allows it despite his discomfort

 

its a subtle act of strength , but in a way that's what macgyver has always been, power subdued right until it isn't , speaking volumes in this moment as murdoc pushes and mac bends but doesn't cave in that same soft and graceful way , its a tentative game between them and murdoc finds he could play it forever

 

when mac asks simple questions like howd we meet " and "how long have you known me " its a clear deflection to the former and murdoc could tell him all sorts of things,  instead he says

 

"meeting you was like seeing color for the first time " and its true , in its own way, hed been doing what he had for so long , without failure or challenge , for _sooo_ long , when macgyver had met him in that junk yard , face to face for the first time , it was like everything life had to offer had suddenly exploded in his face ,hed been filled with renewed passion that had leached outward to bath his vision in light and sound that rippled through the world around him

 

it was like being asleep for a long time and suddenly being dragged back to life , and if nothing else murdoc has to give him some credit for that . the answer murdoc gives him surprises him murdoc can read that clear enough , but his boy bounces back quickly , and when mac asks where there going , murdoc honestly doesn't quite know yet

 

 

but thinks , well whats one more lie reality only has to exist if they both look at it.


	3. requium of a father /You're just like an angel Your skin makes me cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I wish I was special  
> You're so fuckin' special
> 
> and murdoc touches macgyvers skin with tender violence as the ironically befitting cords croon drifting in the room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> murdocs a creep~ hes a weirdo ~ but i love him anyway ~

 

 

    jack is absolutely furious, any one can tell that the minuet he walks through the door , witch is probably why everyone in the hallway to the war room scrambles out of his way as he strides through it , its for everyone's best interest , jacks fury is mixed with gut eating worry ,and its a cocktail that would get anyone , and he means anyone that delayed him by even a second , exploded at ..or worse

 

when jack does finally make it to the war room , he gives the 3 people standing within it , absolutely , no ,quarter

 

"what the fuck do you mean you cant find him !!!!" "jack" its bozer who tries in vain to calm him , but jack will have none of it , in his fear addled mind this is just as much his fault "you were supposed to be with him ! someone , anyone should have been with him , I SHOULD have been with him , why the hell was i only called now !?"

 

bozer tries to speak after that , explain , but with jacks outburst he seems lost at words ,riley chooses at that moment to..attempt to step in ,"jack we didnt do this on purpose, you know we know any mission with mac means your right there we-"

 

"then again , why the hell weren't i called in , how the hell did this even happen AGAIN !"

 

"DALTON!" and its matty , with one word who finally regains control of the room, it takes a matter of 2 seconds for the small spaces to quite completely , only when it dose , does she continue "you weren't called in , because this wasn't an official mission , work , if you can believe it or not was actually slow today , guess some murders and terrorist are on vacation , ether way , mac wanted to revisit the files on the 3 john doe cases we got the other week , bozer and riley volunteered to help him "

 

jack perks at that "you mean those 3 wired ones that stumped everybody ? the one they gave to us where no one could tell how they died !?"

 

"yes " riely cuts in again "they wanted mac to take a look in the first place because the body's had no defensive wounds or offensive wounds,no poison or organ damage such as heart attacks or lung failure , and yet every single one ended up dead on display somewhere clearly murdered , they thought mac might be able to find some kind of scientific explanation to help nail the guy "

 

bozer perks up to add "when we got that mission in Chile 2 days latter mac had to put it to the side , when today became a work from home day , he said he wanted to just take another look at the files , this wasn't an accrual mission jack , none of us were even supposed to be leaving the office "

 

jack takes a deep breath , he remembers that last time something like this happened , and it rattles him greatly to think its happened again , and what could be happening now , still they both make a descent point , and he knows hes lashing out ,unable to help it , but that doesn't make it any less unfair , so he breaths deep , calms himself , when he asks again for the 4th time , its in a much fared and softer tone

 

"then tell me , please , what happened "

 

bozer looks down right sad and a little shook at the reminder of a question "that's the scary thing jack , we don't even know for sure , we were all looking at the case each in our own way , when out of no where mac jumps up out of the chair , with like this look on his face you know , like the one he gets when all those wheel are turning in his head , so he jumps up and says hes realized something , something important and he has to go to where the last body was found"

 

 

"and then he just left !" riley throws in exasperated "flew out of here like the wind , bozer had to run after him , tried to tell him to call you , but mac said there was no time he had to go now , so bozer had to insist he come! he was going to go alone jack to a murder sight !"

 

 

jack is liking the sound of this less and less "what happened then ?"

 

"by the time i had actually caught up to him to have the convo i just told you about he was in his jeep almost out of the garage , i had to jump in my car and follow him to catch up , i tried to stay behind him as much as i could but i was a few cars behind , and he didnt exactly tell me where he was going , i got caught at a red light don't think he noticed , you know how our boy can be "and bozer smiles a pained smile at that "when hes got hold of something in that head of his,when hes so focused like that he cant see anything else , light wasn't even 5 minutes , but when i tried to catch up i-god jack i just couldn't find him and -god i looked everywhere drove around for an hour , i came back here to see if he did to but.."

 

 

"when you got back he wasn't here " and jacks stomach drops into his foot at that , his heart isn't far behind..his leg perhaps..no knee a soft but strong hand brings him back to the present

 

 

mattys look is not pitying , but it holds the kind of compassion jack needs in that moment , the kind that is slipping through his hands like so many grains of sand , when she speaks her voice is as equally understanding but firm "jack , we are going to find him , do you hear me ? we are going to find our boy and bring him home " matty doesn't mix words , she says only what she means and means in equal measure what she says , the words are a promise

 

and god jack hopes so

 

*******************************************************************************************************

 

in the end murdoc takes them back to one of his hide away , its a cozy quaint little cabin on the out scats of town near the woods , he has many places , even here , where he slinks off to after a job well done , but just as he favors the name he carries among the so so many hes claimed , this to is his favorite , and isn't that what your supposed to do ? what normal people do ? go to there favorite places with there friends ?

 

 

murdoc leads him in and once there macgyver looks around , his focus intense as he tries to find any thing that will be a familiar trigger to his memories , hell find none of cores , its why murdoc brought him here to begin with , hes not ready to give up this game yet , its proven to have to much damn potential

 

murdoc lets his own focus land intensely on macgyver himself , observing the boys interaction with his own space , like some wild untamed animal , macgyver explores this new Territory with the same caution and dare murdoc say ..courtesy , macgyver is curious , still holding a pinch of that desperation to find himself or anything that will help him do so , still the boy walks slow and careful wanting so transparently to touch and get closer but not daring to in a space that belongs to him not

 

and again murdoc cant help but find himself impressed , the boy before him is a new creature , while being the same old one all at the same time , that same amazing self control the boy seems to posses evident here even in this fuzzy state where murdoc had expected desperate haste

 

instead mac explores the cabin like a wanderer in foreign lands unfamiliar with the culture , the need to be respectful of such unknown things moderating him

 

when mac turns back murdoc is met with searching eyes , the vulnerability beneath painting them the most intense blue that murdoc finds himself endearingly enchanted by it instead of revulsion , when the boy speaks its with a voice as equally soft..and enchanting "have i - have i been here before ?" murdoc had the lie ready on his tongue before the question was even asked

 

 

"only twice , this place is ..one of my favorites , iv only ever cared to bring _you_ here " soo ok not a total lie , but it serves its purposes ,it speaks of trust and affectionate familiarity , but saying only twice leaves the perseverance vague enough that mac wont find feeling the place is unfamiliar well..to out of place

 

 

mac nods slow in sad understanding , and when he turns back to take in the room once more , murdoc notices the small but matted patch of blood in macs hair , and being the opportunist that he is , murdoc is completely unwilling to pass up the new and fascinating one right in front of him

 

"macgyver , you have a nasty little spot where you hit that genies little head of yours , lets get you settled and i can take care of that for you yes ?" mac is slow and unsure at the prospect , the thought of close touch still a subject of slight discomfit it seems , but murdoc is unwilling to give the ground hes gained , claws greedily at more of it , stepping closer he catches blue with black and holds them ,both filled with unnatural twinkling in the dim light of the room

 

 

"mac, the last thing you need is an infection dear boy , let me help you, let me..take care of you " and murdoc leans as close as he dares, luring the skiddish being in front of him without starting him , and lets his voice drop to a sad deep whisper "were _friends_ arnt we ?" and the boys eyes soften , become so heart be-stillingly beautiful at that _"trust me "_

 

and mac shivers , like some long begotten instinct fills him with the knowledge that a wolf stands before him , but murdoc has no urge to nash at him with his teeth , looks in those helplessly tentative blues and thinks , no, hed rather skin the boy with his tongue

 

instead he takes mac gently by the arm , the same way he did when he lead mac to the car, and leads him to a small room right off the wood worked kitchen and sits him down in a small but comfortable chair ,tells him to relax , wait as he goes to get some things to clean and disinfect the wound murdoc himself has given him, on his way back from under the kitchen sink , he flicks on the radio on the counter , if only for the low noise in the background to sooth the awkward way mac still squirms in the chair

 

 

not that he minds, on any other day would find it amusing , but in this span mac is a guest in his house ,and rudeness on his part as the host is unacceptable

 

 

when he has what he needs in hand he returns to mac in the chair ,and begins a slow circle to come behind him as again not to start him , but when murdoc finds himself at the boys back , he feels the rush of power he did the first time flow brutally through him to flush outward in hot warmth ,his eyes hood , become half lidded and he has to breath deep and even to control and hold back the dark predatory thoughts buzzing in his head

 

 

alternatively , he reaches up and pulls his glove off with his teeth , he wants there skin touching for this , hes not even sure he knows why , but its a savage sudden urge inside him that wont be denied and the words he speaks are hisses in the air as he tries to rain himself in "let me look at you "

 

 

and he puts his thumb to the base of macs neck ,caresses the skin there , pushes gently but with firm insistance until the boy bows his head forward , and again murdoc has to close his eyes for a moment and breath

 

his fingers join his thumb , take the place of it so his whole hand is at the base of macs throat , and he slides it up slow and almost sensual into the hair at macs nape to follow through those few inches higher to the cut that mars the boys skull , and mac shivers , as the fingers find it,  push the hair aside to have a better look , and mac lest out a little gasp as murdocs fingers find the edges and pull unintentionally (no really he promises ) at the dried blood around it

 

still the sound goes down his spine in a pleasant little quiver,

 

the radio moans subdued ,but murdoc doesn't catch the song at first ,to busy , running his finger through macs hair as he pretends the wound needs more cleaning then it does , caresses the skin at the base of macs skull with skilled fingers

 

 _When you were here before_  
_Couldn't look you in the eye_  
_You're just like an angel_  
_Your skin makes me cry_

 

and mac breaths deep and tries not to make these little noises that make murdoc suck air between his teeth

 

 _You float like a feather_  
_In a beautiful world_  
_And I wish I was special_  
_You're so fuckin' special_

 

and when hes done , or when murdoc considers the "cleaning finally done , he says so softly in the air , but he doesn't move his hand , keeps it in the boys hair a moment longer before slowly sliding it down back to the base of the boys neck

 

 _don't care if it hurts_  
_I want to have control_  
_I want a perfect body_  
_I want a perfect soul_

 

"there now , all better " and mac gives a soft thank you , but murdoc , oh murdoc  _still_ doesn't move his hand , cant yet ,instead he moves those same skilled finger over the skin under them , its so soft so delicate , and murdoc drinks in the power singing in his veins , as he nips at the boys shoulder and collar bone with nibble fingers

 

 

and macs sighs even when he tries not to , and murdocs heart jerks in his chest ,the spell over the room hums in the air ,this new and raw intimacy thickening it , and murdoc is struck by how much satisfaction coils in his gut 

 

 

"ja-huah-jack" a soft voice drags him from his own head

 

"hmmm"

 

"could you -muhah could you please not to-touch me there huah "

 

 

the hand stills for a moment at the soft spot of macs throat ,but hes still not quite ready to stop "my ..apologizes im making sure you only have the one , one more moment dear boy , that all ..i promise " the boy calms only slightly , and murdoc continues his torture of macgyvers seances and in the brief reprieve for the both of them recognizes the low groan of a song , and a smirk graces his lips

 

 _And I wish I was special_  
_You're so fuckin' special_

 

and murdoc touches macgyvers skin with tender violence as the ironically befitting cords croon drifting in the room , a sympathetic soundtrack to the destruction of macgyvers walls

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh murdoc , "friends" don't touch each other like that 
> 
> this is the version of creep playing in the background 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8THGNfWYh0
> 
> and this is the version i listened to actually writing this chapter , i love and support both
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axrqVfuGHh0


	4. one fathers nightmare is an adult childs dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "you can sleep in the bed i promise i wont do anything "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im trying to keep this as cannon as possible , so if youv been reading and asking yourself is murdoc exploring friendship and his sexuality at the same time ? the answer is yes ..because..im trying to be cannon.. that's exactly how it is in cannon :D

 

 

 

jack walks briskly into the war room buzzing with nervous energy, right to riley, matty and bozer who sit in the center of it

 

"you said in your text you have news, good news ?!"

 

reliy looks up from under her lashes but the look is strained "i have news , yeah, but your not gonna like it " she begins typing loud and frantically as she speaks to all present "after bozer told me the last place he saw mac at that light , i got to thinking , most, still not all , but most lights have cameras , so i hacked them to the point where i could see all the recording for that light and the ones around it at the time stamp around the time bozer lost mac "

 

and jack cant help it "oh riley that's my girl ! and ?"

 

"i found his car , used the light cameras to follow it ,but theres only so far i could go , i lost him in the factory districts down town "

 

and jack deflates at that , his heart had been hammering from the moment mac went missing , it had calmed somewhat when riley had sent that text , god he had thought to himself that any news was good news at this point , but as his heart picks up its frantic tempo right where it left off and his stomach drops into the soles of his feet again , he cant help but think how wrong he _was_ and how disappointed he _is_ , but riley apparently isn't finished

 

"but that's not the news i said you weren't gonna like , theres more " and jack thinks what could possibly be worse then "well we have nothing " but then in any area riely has never been one to disappoint , here is no exception

 

"when i lost him at the last light , i wasn't exactly sure what i was going to do next,but then i thought duh he was headed to the factory district , so why stop at traffic lights.. i hacked..every security camera around that area i could , and i was right it worked ,there was one on a post close to macs actual location, and, this is what i found "

 

riley brings up a 6 minuet video loads it onto the war room screens so everyone can see , and what they see is bad , but what they hear ? both sends horror trembling down all there spines , mac in a vacant lot in front of an abandoned factory building , only to have no other then murdoc show up not even 5 minuets later , a fight , mac cracking his head on a wall and crumpling to the ground ,only to wake to a murdoc in his face and not knowing who ether of them are,  but nothing , none of theses things compare to the moment murdoc crowds into macs face and in a delighted tone declares

 

"oh macgyver, its me jack "

 

_what_

 

"oh macgyver,its "

 

_the_

 

"me"

 

_fuck_

 

"jack"

 

"you've got to be fucking kidding me !" jacks blood is already hot , and he thinks it cant , cant possibly get hotter and then murdoc leads mac away , to a place they cant see with his hands all over him , touching places he has no business touching , with lie after lie on his tongue , and jacks blood reaches boiling "ill fucken kill him , i don't care what mac wants , after this shit , ill fucking KILL him "

 

 

"yeah , your boy might not be far behind you this time , and you'll have to get behind me " the firm and very angered voice of matty draws jack back in to focus of the war room , and he turns from the hideous images on the screen to face the 3 people behind him "we have to find him matty like yesterday , he has him , he has mac again ! how the hell does this nightmare keep happening !"

 

reily having gotten over a second bout of anxiety induced shock chooses to rejoin the conversation "jack , where going to get him back , i didnt get his license plate , but i got a side view of the car he was driving from another camera , along with a decent front view "

 

"is it enough to identify it ?" and jack knows he says it more crass then he means but reliy lets out a defeated no ,and mac is alone with murdoc , and even tho something in the way murdoc interacted with the kid had shifted it had something nagging in the back of his skull , murdoc may not actually be after doing there boy mager harm this time , but hes still very clearly scheming, and that thought has chills going up his back

 

they need to find mac , and they need to find him now

*********************************************************************************************************************

mac dosnt know how to feel about the way jack touches him , the way the man had touched his neck and spoke to him as he cleanse the wound to his head , again has him asking himself if friend's were really all they ever were , the way his body had reacted to the soft and almost affectionate caresses had only served to confuses him further , his cheeks had gotten hot , and his spine had tingled all over as jack stroked his throat

 

be so undone by such simple touches ? to not be able to bare the simplest touch ? it was truly as if he'd never been touched before ,it had only continued a moment longer , just as jack had promised, but jacks probing fingers had left his limbs numb and body loose witch only discontents him more , because while the touches from the car had made him vegley uncomfortable theses touches were different , they'd turned his body on its head

 

had him asking more questions then he had answers , have they always been so ..touchy feeley and he'd forgotten that along with everything else ? or has mac himself always been just so distant _physically_ , that a hand on skin unnerves him ? when he finally gathers himself enough to ask something to the effect out loud , jack stops stirring the food hes making and turns back to where mac sits at the small wood kitchen table , his lips turn up at the side in a look mac cant quite decode and says simply that mac is "shy"

 

they eat together at the small table ,and mac asks jack to tell him about him, to help mac re get to know who he is because mac lacks the ability to do it himself , its not unpleasant , in fact if anything its the nieces moment they've had so far, but theres still a buzzing like white noise in the arch of his spine , as they talk , that smirk will play off and on jacks lips , as if some of the story's he tells greatly amuses him , and the buzzing makes no seance because the amusement perfectly can , so what if some things amuse jack , its **_there_ ** stories, but still the nagging persist and it bugs him , so he brushes it to the side

 

 

after the meal mac insist on doing dishes, its automatic like long forgotten moments , and mac thinks at one time it must have been, after , mac insist they talk more , if only for a little while longer and jack doesn't fight him on it , they end up back in the den mac once more in that thick comfy chair and jack on the couch across from him , and mac tries to sink into it , but he still feels so off in this place and he struggles to sit still

 

a shine from the end table next to him catches his eyes , and he looks down to see a wayward paperclip lying next to the lamp , he doesn't know what possesses him , but without thought he picks it up and starts to bend it with his fingers , the clip is old , it takes little strength behind his moments to bring into being the shape he didnt know he wanted yet , but he keeps his fingers tender as if touching a fond memory that will shatter with to much force

 

"what are you doing ?"

 

the soft question has his eyes leaving the forming shape to lock with jacks once more "im sorry, iv always done this " and the truth that rings in his blood has his hands stilling in shock , because its true he knows it down to his bones , doesn't know how , but he knows , he has always done this , and theres a smile that must be beaming in the dim room on his lips as he says again "iv always done this "

 

 

"i know " jack says without hesitation "i just didnt think that of all things this would be the first to come back to you , ..do you remember me at all ?" the question has a tone of hurt , but its forced , the true one is one of concern, macs not sure how he picks that apart ether but it has him flushing again , the answer is no , and that on top of his rudeness before with the clip has him turning hesitant and awkward , like some long begotten instinct for good manners

 

he apologizes out loud , puts the clip down on the coffee table away from his hands , and locks his eyes back with jacks where they belong , but he catches a glimpse of what hes made , and the buzzing returns to his head

 

*************************************************************************************************************************

 

an oblivious macgyver , is a delightful macgyver , and murdoc didnt think mac being anymore delightful was possible , but delightfully adorable is the only way murdoc can describe him , without memory to sour the hurt and the hate , the boy is honest and open , he doesn't bother to hide anything , doesn't know that he should , instead he smiles when genuinely happy or amused , and flushes when embarrassed , turns awkward and coy when hes not quite sure how he should feel in a way murdoc finds strangely enchanting

 

 

whats more surprising , murdoc finds hes more open himself, hes playing a part and hes playing it well , but when they talk at dinner , and mac asks about the past they share together , he has to be vague on details , but his feeling towards him , how he views mac himslef , how mac fascinates him and murdoc enjoys his company , that murdoc says honestly and out loud for the fist time , and its strangely freeing in a way he didnt know it could be to truly drop his mask , if only just an inch

 

still when mac asks certain things like about touching , murdoc has that lie ready on his lips

 

its when they move to the den that things get interesting again , mac turns restless and coy again , squirming in the chair as if crawling in his skin , his eyes land on a paperclip , and to murdocs surprise , the boy picks it up and begins to bend it , like an artist, fingers move gently and tenderly over the clip shaping the softened metal as if macgyver had somehow seduced it to coil witch ever way brought him the most pleasure

 

its not far off the mark , murdoc cant stop staring , in all honesty macgyver has always had beautiful hands to him , watching them work is of equal beauty , still

 

"what are you doing "

 

and the spell cracks like glass in the air

 

macs dismissive reply of iv always done this has them both freezing , tho murdoc hides it well , it has him worrying the boy has come back to himself , that the game is over before it began , but mac says again simply but breathless "iv always done this " murdoc doesn't hesitate to turn it to his favor , to get a tastes of the room he asks if mac remembers him , puts as much hurt into it as he can, and mac flushes all over and grows silent

 

 

so no then , he doesn't mind ,all the better, macgyver flushes harder for a moment before apologizing and moving shyly to place the clip on the coffee table between them , murdoc finds his eyes drawn to it , and cant help the rush of amused fondness that takes him , a question mark made of rusted metal stars back at him , and murdoc is fascinated to find the boy uses paperclips for an emotional outlet ,and the fondness grows as they talk long into the night

 

its when murdoc suggest they should get some sleep that macgyver gets truly wooden ,it starts with murdoc digging through a drawer and offering him cloths, the boy takes them , if begrudgingly , and when mac walks back in the room with them on his body , something far more then satisfaction coils in his gut , the sweater is black of core,s but older and the collar droops past the boys collar bones , the pants are loose at his hips , murdoc can see that even tho the sweater covers the waist band and _oh_ , _oh_ how the black brings out his eyes , all together it screams very clearly " **mine** " and it sends murdocs possessive side rawling

 

theres only one bed , after all murdoc had only ever needed one, and mac takes one look at it before turning quickly and giving a hasty "ill sleep on the couch " but murdoc catches his wrist from where hes perched on the bed and thinks , friends have sleepovers , why not now , or at least that's the only reason he really lets himself think on to far , still he remembers the reaction from earlier and adds hastily himself

 

"you can sleep on the bed with me !" and for added "hurt" effect "im sorry i made you shy before i..wanted us to be _closer~_ , i wont do anything you don't like i promise " its a cheep trick if he really stops to think about it , but it gets him what he wants , it gives mac guilted pause , and in the end mac is in the bed with him ,facing him as far on his side as he can be , but hes there , and murdoc drinks that in like a man missing water

 

the boy is exhausted and despite his ungainly , falls asleep within moments, hair a blond halo on his head as his face tuns soft and even more pretty , and murdoc aches to touch him , badly , but he keeps his word , watches him long into the night instead , fascinated and enraptured with the new experiences

**Author's Note:**

> ...well ?


End file.
